5 am Ramboling about feelings...

Officially 8 more days until my 29th Birthday and all of a sudden I feel like a new person. I don't know what exactly was the trigger but I have changed in the last few days. A new calm has fallen over me. Its hard to put into writing exactly how I have changed or even what the trigger was. I just feel like I can do what ever I want, whenever.  I'm not sure what I was waiting for before. I realize now that before this Epiphany I was feeling lonely and disconnected. My family is far and a lot of my friendships have fallen apart. Not that I have done anything to lose friends I have been losing the connection between myself and a lot of the people I had been hanging out with in the past and after a recent break up I had been feeling lonely and disconnected. All of a sudden I am okay with having space for new people to enter my life and not in a rush to fill that space with just anyone.  I love the feeling of that space in my life and the idea now that I have room and time for other people and the excitement of the possibilities of people that may enter is amazing. I realize that many of these stale friendships are been based upon me giving to the relationship and getting little in return. Although it hurts to lose a relationship of any kind, once you get past that its kind of exciting to realize what the potential is for new people and things to enter your life. I don't feel in a rush anymore to fill these space, but a calm of less stress.  I truly feel happy

I went to a friends engagement party and saw some girls that I used to hang out with a lot. I had been hurt and feeling left out like a high-schooler that is being ousted from her group of the popular kids for no reason. At first it hurt and then at this party I realized something. I had nothing in common with these people anymore. As one of my 70 something year old clients explained to me, I have found my bravado. I really am my own person and I don't feel the need to hang out in big groups of 17 women at a time, as I did when I was younger.  As she put it, "There are not many people who can rock a skin tight, Hot pink dress with six inch heels (yes, they make me look 6'2") and feel completely in their own."

I have been hanging out with some new amazing people, I am started a new workout class in the mornings with a friend and...

I am buying myself a new car for my birthday. I have wanted a hot convertible for many years now. It fits my personality. I have been having a moral conflict over buying myself a new car for a couple years now. I don't NEED one. I mean, I have a 2002 Toyota Rav4 with many dents and a bike rack. Its free basically because I have paid it off and it runs like a gem.  Financially, I had been telling myself that it makes sense to keep this car as long as possible and use my money to pay off other school loans, bills etc. Its completely vain to buy a convertible but I have had my car for 8 years now and loath every time I have to pick someone up in my car or valet. Its just embarrassing.  I dont think the car fits my personality at all. I dont believe that your car is an extension of yourself or anything like that. Im just being Shallow, I know, but I just want a hot, sexy car to zoom around town in. Is that so aweful?  So, I am going to take the plunge, leasing a new car with a big monthly payment maynot be financially the most sound decision I have ever made but it sure will be fun! I just hope the purchasing high lasts!  Okay well that probably enough of my ramboling for tonight its 5:38am and I hope I have not bored you all to death.